As I sit here in bed, coughing my lungs out and struggling to breath out of my nose from this sniper cold, I’m going to bed happier than I’ve been in a long time, more gracious than ever in my life. For no particular reason, this has been the most wonderful, peaceful, fun, laughter filled, positive-outlook-on-the-future filled day that I’ve ever had.
Last night we celebrated the New Year with a few family members and our kids. Nothing wild, no bars, no crazy New Years Eve drunken adventure with friends. Real memories that we’ll remember for years to come, memories that our kids get to remember and cherish. If you haven’t already gotten the slight hint, I’m super into the new year, new me vibe right now. I have so many aspirations and hopes for this year I couldn’t even begin to explain my excitement.
Firstly, I’m going to be married to the most AMAZING fucking person in the world, in less than 50 days!! We spent (literally) all day in bed today, doing nothing at all, going in and out of napping, eating, laughing, talking about our future, and what we want to do this year. He is something I cherish more than any materialistic item. I say he is ‘something’ rather than ‘someone’ because he’s more than just a person to me, he’s what gives me hope and motivation in life, he’s my blanket when I’m cold (physically & metaphorically), he makes me feel safe when I feel like I have no escape, he makes me see that glimmer of light even when he himself is having trouble finding it.
He is my rock in every sense of the word.
We had several conversations today, some things happening in the present, the future, wedding talk, plans for my birthday, what we want to accomplish as newlyweds, getting pregnant, what I wanted for dinner tonight. I have laughed so much today, it was borderline psychotic — and he loves it, he loves me. I’m so lucky.
This year is the year.
The year my sister beats cancer. The year my boyfriend of 6 years becomes my husband. The year we try to get pregnant. The year I turn a quarter century. The year we make big moves. This is ours for the taking.
It was important for me to get this typed and out of my brain before I go to bed tonight while it’s fresh in my brain. I don’t want this year to be me worrying about what people think of me, what the latest gossip is, who thinks what of me, blah blah blah. This is my year to make moves, make that bacon, and make my family happier than ever before.
I’m a legal Stepmom and Wife this year, I got boss bitch moves to make! I’m proud that decades from now I can say that instead of choosing myself and partying, I chose to take care of and nurture my family. I’ve reluctantly sat on the back burner for some time now (in contrast to others my age) and have helped build this little home that will be my sanctuary, my ‘people’, until the day I die.
I’m proud of myself for stepping up as a Stepmom, being a positive role model, and being able to provide stability for my family. I think a lot of my 2017 was kind of self-centered, not like the kind of people who abandon their children just to carry on a counterfeit life of work and travel, but just a little selfish in that I was only focused on trying to prosper alone, I never asked for help — This will be my year of family. We’re making it together this year, ALL OF US. That’s all I wanted to say, Happy New Year!